Could it get any worse?

It was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. I think I'll move to Australia.

No wait. I'm already IN Australia and it's contributing!

I wake up to a miserable, cold, rainy day. I'm already feeling just slightly better than miserable myself as I am just recovering from strep throat. I think I will console myself by having my coffee in the hot tub on the patio. We are out of coffee.

I fix myself a cup of hot tea, a poor substitute, and head to the hot tub. When I open the cover, I am greeted by a cloudy stench of yucky,yellow water, like something has gotten up inside there and died. No way could I put my naked body in that! I will have to drain it. Whilst only in my towel I work out the arrangements of hose and nozzles and manage to get it draining, though I get slightly wet in the process, because it's a miserable, cold, rainy day, and now I'm feeling just a little more miserable myself. And stinky. It's a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

I decide to go in and drink my tea with my facebook friends to console myself. I can't shower because the water tank is just outside our bedroom window and if the pump is running, it will wake up Chris. (I normally don't even flush the toilet unless it's absolutely necessary.) My robe is in the bedroom. So I bundle up in the only sweater I can find - from the dirty clothes basket in the laundry room. It smells like something has crawled up inside it and died, but at least I'm warmer. I can't find my favorite fuzzy slippers. I have to settle for my least favorite cloth slippers that I try to avoid because I once wore them continuously when I had athlete's foot, and they make my toes itch just to think about it.

I sit down at the computer and take a sip. My tea is cold. I get up to re-heat it and then try again at the computer. The internet is down. I restart the machine, just in case, but that doesn't work either. There will be no facebook this morning. No online comfort, no mindless computer games, no blogging. It is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

What will I do with my morning? I decide to work on a craft project my "challenge leader" has assigned but that I don't really want to do . I sort of feel obligated to do it because I'm the president of the craft group. I have to lead by example, right? So I gather up my supplies and head to the living room. I will work on my project while watching TV to make it more fun. But it's Sunday morning. Early. Too early for even the old movies to be on. The only thing on is cartoons, TV evangelists, Spanish news and motocross races. Ugh. How can this day get any more horrible?

Aha! I will watch a chick flick I got at the video store that Chris is not the least bit interested in.

The Traveling Pants - part two. Never mind that I can't remember what any of the characters did in part one - it will be entertaining and take my mind off my miseries. I get the video in and set to hit play and go for breakfast. The kitchen is a disaster area. There are still dishes left from yesterday (I've been sick, remember?) There are no clean spoons. The refrigerator smells like something has crawled up inside of it and died. I grab some yogurt and close it quickly. The counters are a mess and as I clear a space, for my bowl I notice an interesting wrapper and a small round box. I realize that last night, Chris ate a WHOLE ROUND of Brie without even offering me a bite! I am furious. I can't believe how rude and selfish that is. I am fuming, seething, irate, incensed, and very mad. How can he be so thoughtless?

I take my cereal and my yogurt and a dirty spoon back into the living room and arrange my craft supplies around me. I notice out the window my favorite parrot is sitting wetly on the empty bird feeder. Just because I am miserable, doesn't mean my bird friends have to be. So I get up to fill the bird feeders. We're out of bird seed. Great. Let's just all be cold, wet and miserable together.

Depressed even further, I settle back down push play on the DVD. The movie is cute and mindless, but I can't turn the volume up as loudly as I would like (I'm deaf, ya know) because it would wake up Chris. So I turn on the subtitles, and therefore, I either miss a line and have to keep back-tracking, or I don't get much of my project accomplished. Both. The DVD must be scratched because the movie skips. Big chunks of the story line are missing as I have to jump forward to make the movie watchable. I throw down the clicker in disgust. This day can't get much more terrible.

Just about now I feel the urge to take a dump. I look for my book to take to the bathroom, as it may be long one. My book is in the bedroom. At this point, I am so irritated and wretched that I feel like slamming into the bedroom and waking up Chris to GET my book (and my robe and my fuzzy slippers - and take a shower!) But I resist and go to the toilet bookless. It smells like something has crawled up inside of ME and died! Maybe it's the antibiotics I've been taking. I don't linger (and I DO flush!) I guess it's a good thing I don't have my book.

I go back to the living room and try flipping the channels to find something to watch. By now I'm assaulted with cartoons, reruns of Desperate Housewives, Chinese news, and rock videos.

Chris gets up (around 11:00!) and comes in to give me a kiss. I am icy. He asks me if I'm mad. I say yes. He asks me if I'm mad at HIM. I say yes. He asks what he has done? I sort of hate to hit him with a rant first thing in the morning, (well, true, it's almost noon, but it's the first thing in HIS morning) but he is asking for it, so I let him have it. Besides, I am already miserable, might as well have some company. Sorry, he says. But not as if he means it. Not as if it's important. Not as if it will make me feel any better. Just once, and dully. Sorry.

Aargh! It's a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day!

He goes to check on the internet news whilst I sit seething on the couch and he finds that the internet is down. He fixes it! He tries to be nice to me all day to make up for his part in my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. Things get slightly better. I get to spend some time on line, I actually got a good start on my project, and Chris is being nice to me. And now that Chris is up, I can take a bath instead of a shower. Maybe I won't have to move to Australia after all.

But now the empty hot tub is looming. I procrastinate cleaning it as it is still wet, cold and miserable out there. But I know that the longer I put it off, the longer it will be before I have that comforting hot water to slide into. I sit around in my bath towel, knowing that I'll have to go climb in there to clean it out and why bother getting my clothes wet? Finally, just around dusk, I gather up my supplies, spend an hour out there, finish wiping it down and stick the hose in to refill it. Then I go in to make dinner. I actually remembered to take something out of the freezer so I'm not scrambling around at the last minute. And I'm fixing "Make your own" pizzas - from Turkish bread and tomato paste and all our favorite toppings. I only burn them a little, but they ARE comfort food and they help. Then, after dinner, I get to watch "The X Factor" which is entertaining, then "Bones" and "Castle" and I actually FINISH my craft project and start on another! Things are looking up.

It's bedtime. I kiss Chris and head for the bedroom, where I hear the continuous sound of the water pump running. OH MY GOD! I have left the water running in the hot tub for FIVE HOURS! THIS is a HUGE disaster, because, as you know already, we are on TANK water and I have been draining it for FIVE HOURS! I run outside in my nightgown and in the dark, grab the hose out of the tub, which instantly wriggles away from me and sprays me, absolutely drenching my nightgown with cold water! I manage to grab it and close the nozzle. Then, since I'm already wet, I might as well splash the excess water out of the hot tub so I can at least close the lid. I am using my arms like blades, sloshing the water out of the tub until the level goes down far enough to close the lid. Then I go in. I have ended this day like I started it. Cold, wet and miserable. And now guilty into the bargain. It has been a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. I'm definitely moving to Australia.